I’ve reinvented a bit of my life’s grammar. “Present Perfect” is now “Present Imperfect” and “Future Perfect” is now “Future Imperfect”.
Why? I am on a journey to shed perfectionism from my vocabulary and thoughts.
Perfectionism is insidious. It permeates the crevices of our thinking. It can inform our actions. It can cause much pain.
To me, perfectionism is the mindset that we must always do the right thing, the right way, at the right time. If we don’t succeed in getting it right (and we never really do), our Inner Voice intones that we are losers, failures, slackers, goof-ups, continuing not to live up to our potential or variations of this theme.
The “Loser Chorus” … it this a familiar tune in your head?
But who else really thinks that we are losers? We usually can make our External look pretty good. We successfully hold down jobs.
We have friends. We maintain appropriate personal hygiene. In short, we appear to be well-functioning by all accounts.
Yet, our Inner Voice cranks out a steady stream of messages about how the work product could be better, our bodies could be thinner, our houses could be nicer, our family members could be more spectacular, our friends could be more understanding, our co-workers could be more cooperative…
The Inner Voice springs the jagged jaws of that mental trap and we are caught in the mindset of Never Good Enough.
And that’s our shameful Secret. No matter what, we cannot allow anyone else to know that we are Never Good Enough. So we try harder to Make Things Right. More energy expended… Same thoughts of Never Good Enough. ..More hiding… More trying harder. ..Never Good Enough. ..There just comes a point where we just can’t keep this going and long to break out of this vicious and exhausting cycle.
Are you to this point? Do you want to live without your Inner Voice continually proclaiming failure? It’s possible. You stop repeating the Past Perfect patterns and begin living in the Present Imperfect.
Here are some ways to begin living in the Imperfect Present:
- Make a list of at least 5 positive things that family members, coworkers and friends have said about you in the past month, (Be patient and stick with this. The Inner Voice excels at blocking these messages.)
- Make a list of 5 people that you love or admire. Write a short sentence after each name stating why you love and admire this person. Next, add your own name to this list. Now, imagine yourself as your own friend, what would you write after your own name?
- Here’s something I call the “Today I Will Do Something Even If It’s Less Than Perfect and That’s OK” Exercise:
- Think of something that you’ve been planning to do but haven’t started because you weren’t sure that you could do it well.
- Today, just do it or at least take the first step.
- Really, just dive in and do it.
- Still haven’t taken the plunge? Divide into smaller steps until you take the first step.
- Take a deep breath. Pump fist in air and give yourself some love.
- Reflect – Was the result perfect? (Probably not) Was less than perfect sufficient? (Probably) How does it feel to have completed first step?
- Now, repeat this exercise until it becomes a habit not to wait for “perfect” moments, “perfect” opportunities, “perfect” people”, or “perfect” results.
Please let me know if you found these exercises helpful.
I have found that there is only the Imperfect Present. Embrace it. Feel the Joy that results from letting go of the impossibly heavy weight of the Perfect. Joyfully anticipate the Future Imperfect.
Now doesn’t this feel like Freedom!
